Journal Entry: Fri Mar 13, 2015, 10:19 PM
I'm just feeling kinda...I don't even know anymore, I guess. Work used to be a place where I went to relax, but since the new owners took over, it's been nothing, but incredibly stupid changes (we have to WRITE down the housekeeping list as opposed to printing it...?) and for some reason we're no longer allowed to use sticky notes either.
It makes me feel like crap that I don't trust them (they're from India), but I literally cannot find a damn detail about the company (BLUEBIRD HOTEL LLC; anybody knows anything drop me a note, please?) and any time we ask him (Marshall-Mikey-Michael-Mike-Mitul-Mickey Patel, six names isn't suspicious at all, by the way) he only says it's a group of investors. On top of that, he said he wasn't going to bring in his family to work here, but his wife and mother randomly showed up one day.
None of them seem to realize that the notes are incredibly impersonal and poorly written ("Keep me lock." "Keep door close when dryer go."---need I say more and seriously, the word please goes a long damn way).
I feel like I'm always being watched and judged and that any minute he'll call down (because, yes, he lives at the fucking hotel) and say something to me. I may not have liked Karen all that much(manager after Sam, for those of you who actually have kept up with my journals about work), and she might have been about as smart as a rock (she's been in prison for using drugs/probably has been using drugs before she got fired), but at least she didn't act like a freaking stalker. She sucked as a manager and would always call me on for shitty shifts, but I knew she wasn't watching me 24/7.
I love this job, don't get me wrong. I love coming in on 3rd shift (even though I had a near mental breakdown a month or so ago because of all the stress the new management change put on me). 3rd shift is a nice relaxing time for me, I rarely get customers checking in, I get free time on the internet (even if the Wi-Fi can be crap), but this is where I go to unwind and breathe, but I cannot fucking do that when I feeling like any second he's going to call and talk to me or tell me to do something.
I'm stressed as hell and want to find a new job, but actually finding a new job, applying, learning a new skill would probably drive me off the edge I'm dancing on as it is. I'll never find another job where someone like me, a high school graduate with no plans of attending college (gasp. the goddamn horror.), can sit on my ass and do very little.
So I'm fucked.
Oh, and I forgot to mention: he made everyone reapply so he could cut our fucking pay down to $7.50 an hour.
Even more fucked since my car insurance payments are more than my own fucking paycheck.
I want nothing more than to find a deep, dark hole with a wonderful Wi-Fi signal and just rely on the internet and my cell phone for communication.